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Thursday, September 17, 2009

An update

Well, how shall I begin? I finally was able to get a copy of my medical records from my emergency surgery last month, and learned the following things: I suffered a true uterine ruptured which means, my uterus ruptured and the baby floated out of my uterus into my abdominal cavity. I lost 2600 cc's of blood from the ruptured. The doctor was able to repair the tears w/o complications. (in a typical c-section one loses about 500 cc's or less)

That is the news i expected; what I didn't expect was a pathology report on the baby to be included. The baby measured 9 weeks and 2 days old; however he/she had quite a few physically abnormalities. Some of it was caused by the rupture but the pathologist felt somewhere not, such as the ears, mouth, nose and some of the internal organs were only partially develop. According to every fetal development site i can find, all organs, the ears, eyes and mouth are typically fully developed by 9 week, and from there they just grow and get bigger.

So what does this mean? Though we will never know for sure, but had I gone to the end of the pregnancy, the baby could possible have had birth defects or worse not have survived the birth. Maybe the baby wasn't meant to have a long life and this was a way to spare of more pain and heartache later on down the line.
Also, I went into surgery so late at night, I wasn't sure when the baby was removed from my body, was it Wednesday August 12th or really early Thursday August 13th? According to the report, it was on the 13th, my birthday. Though not an actually 'birth day' for the baby, it is still their day too.

In addition on getting closure, I wanted the baby to have a name. Since we don't know if it was a boy or girl, we decided to name the baby Jesse. It would work or a boy or girl. In fact, Sami wanted Grace's name to be Jesse!

As for the future, will we have more kids? I don't know; physically I could have more kids, but two of my doctors are advising against it. So we really don't know what we want to do. Not something I really want to think about right now.

Physically I am healed and have gone back to work already. Emotionally, some days are better than others.

THANK YOU to everyone who emailed, posted comments, called, wrote and prayed for us during this time. We really appreciate it and I know it helped in my healing process! I will be adding a page on our web site for the baby when I get some time. Hopefully by sharing my story, it will help other who went through the same thing.

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